Of politics and Ilonggo cuisine

The disreputable Adobo Ilonggo, a popular meal not only among Ilonggos but Filipinos from all walks of life, has come under fire from fellow culinary treats in Iloilo for conduct unbecoming, gross misrepresentation, etc.

The legendary La Paz Batchoy, whose exploits and reputation has long surpassed the boundaries of Iloilo, has lodged a complaint with the Iloilo Culinary Association’s Board of Governors (ICABOG) saying that Abodo Ilongo has disgraced Iloilo Cuisine.

“Adobo’s recent behavior is bringing disrepute to Ilonggo food and the people that love them unconditionally,” Mr. Batchoy said.

Mang Inasal, ICABOG chairman, said Adobo Ilonggo, if found guilty of the charges, will suffer the penalty of prison correctional (being relegated to the kitchen, for the minor offense), or prison mayor for the major offense, which means cancellation of membership and a total ban from the franchise and other association member outlets.

Here’s a litany of charges against Adobo Ilonggo:

● Use of double-dead meat
● Too much recycling of already discredited issues, err ingredients
● Misrepresentation for pretending to represent the sentiments of the association and the Ilonggos in general without basis or authorization
● Generally obnoxious behavior (conduct unbecoming of an Ilonggo food)
● Too much politicking and espousing leftist sentiments

Adobo’s distant cousin, Tinuom of Cabatuan, expressed surprise over Adobo’s acerbic attitude. “My cousin seems to be beside himself and is showing symptoms of paranoia and megalomania,” said Mr. Tinuom. After being picked up from the streets where he plied his wares for many years, it seems that Adobo’s present close association with the powers that be at City Hall has gone to his head, Tinuom added.

The usually reticent Panaderia de Molo couldn’t help but agree. Mr. Panaderia confided to a colleague, Mr. Biscocho, that he has seen Adobo conferring with powerful politicians from his district.

“This is sad,” said Biscocho. “There have been many powerful politicians in my district, a king even, but never did we get involved in their affairs beyond being pasalubong.”

Pancit Molo agreed. “We have been around the rich and powerful for decades,” she said. “We gave them delight on innumerable occasions but never did we use such closeness to advance our own agenda. To do so would be to downgrade and render worthless the pride and honor that the Ilonggos have reposed on us.”

KBL (Kadios, Baboy, Langka) fully agrees. “I have had my share of politics and it doesn’t pay. Look at where I am now,” he observed.

Meanwhile, not only are Iloilo’s five-star fares and delicacies complaining. But also Adobo’s erstwhile peers in the pedestrian community want Adobo burned to a crisp for treachery. “We didn’t allow ourselves to get skewered everyday so that Adobo can bask in glory at our expense,” chorused the barbecue group Adidas, IUD and Esaw.

From the column DEEP THROAT as published in The News Today

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